May 6, 2010

All this thoughtfulness. Is it symptom of starvation?

I told myself I wouldn't do it... And I did it anywayAnd now I regret it.
I weighed myself this morning- in jeans and clothes and it showed 239.7.
This was after yesterday afternoon when it said 236.5 - in CLOTHES!!!
I was happy with that and even knowing better- I hopped on the scale this morning and now I am disappointed.

I KNEW I shouldnt do it!!!  I KNEW I havent gone #2 in two days.  I knew I had clothes on... I knew it wouldnt be good.  And yet, I did it anyway. 
Hmmm. I see a pattern here.
Yesterday, I ate 1300 calories.  None of it was bad stuff - protien shakes, egg whites and veggies and CHEESE ( but I was out to eat with a friend and there was nothing else that fit the perameters)  but then I went home and had two stuffed green peppers. (Literally green peppers stuffed with turkey meat and onions and peppers.)  I have not had any real carbs in three days.
I knew I ate too much yesterday, but I was kinda ok with it cause I am pretty sure if I haven't heard from the insurance company by now, that I will not be getting the surgery on Thursday. 
Instead, I have a month to try and learn how to live in these "rules" of the band.  And, thats ok.  
My son and husband both said something to me last night about this diet thing I am on.  My son said it first-
"Mom, if you can do this for two weeks, why cant you just keep doing it and then you dont have to have the surgery?"
I don't know.
Does anyone else know?  This is something I would like an answer to.
Why can I do this to try and get a surgery but I cant do it to take care of my body and my mind?
That thought makes me sad. 
Though, maybe its just that I haven't eaten bread or noodles in three days.

1 comment:

  1. My opinion is you can do it for 2 weeks because you are only doing it for 2 weeks. You are excited and you are dieting in preparation for getting a tool that will help you not only lose weight, but keep it off. Your motivation is high. It's hard to keep that up long term.