June 24, 2010

Hello everyone out there in Blog land

Hi everyone!
I know I have been gone for forever and that has been a concious decision on my part.
I am still reading all of your blogs and updates, but have hit a point where I am not sure if the band is right for me?  I worry alot about the actual surgery and also about upkeep of things like fills, etc. 
I am looking at things in my life closely- and analyzing many of the things I read in your blogs; both good and bad, about the band.
I had hit a point in my life where I felt this decision needed to be rushed, but have now hit a point where I feel like I need to take some time to think about whether it is right for me.  
So, thats where I am. :)

June 1, 2010

I have a question for you....

Do any of you feel like your persona on your blog is so different than what you are in real person?
In real person I am fun, happy, and pretty easy going.  I don't really tell people what is bothering me- instead I just carry it around.. or at least I used to until I found this blog.
Here I spill it all... often without thinking.  I get it out here and then move on with my day.
Is that why I am not getting followers?
Is this blog too negative?
I actually have two other blogs- one about books and one that I am developing for my extended family and Facebook friends to read.  I don't talk like this at those.
I guess in a way it doesn't matter if anyone likes reading this or not.  My mind feels clearer and it is easier to figure things out when I write on here.
And that's what matters.
BTW!  I ran tonight- a HALF MILE!!!! And, it was after I had already walked 1.5 miles.
I am SOOOOO proud of myself.
Crazy thing is- even with all of this exercise and making better food choices... I am not losing weight.
I am even keeping track of what I eat at ADailyPlate.com - AND NO WEIGHT LOSS.
But I am so proud of myself right now I don't care. :)

Best weekend ever... followed by.... Blah

Hi everyone!  I came home this morning from the best Holiday weekedn I have had in a long time!  I am so proud of myself- I found a two mile walk and did it twicw while we were gone.
I also ate relatively well, so that helped too!
I was concious of being a mom that played with my son and we had a good time together!
The weekend went so fast, but it felt good to be "present."  Does that make sense?  There was even a moment on the beach- with the son shining down on me and the wind blowing through my hair... that I stopped and kinda meditated for a little bit.  It felt like life was good.
I was even in a good mood this morning!  We woke up at 6am to drive the hour and a half back from the cabin.  It was horrible traffic, but I smiled and didn't swear once.  I dropped my son off at school and was speeding to work and got pulled over!!! That didn't even dampin my mood.  I just thought,"well, I was speeding."  and waited for my ticket.  Get this- I didn't get one!!!  The policeman just gave me a warning.  That never happens to me!  I was giddy and laughing the whole way into work.
And now, here I sit.  The stress is pounding in my chest.  I am tired and droopy and miserable.
This job is all wrong for me.
And yet I stay because my hours are great and I make really decent money for working 3/4th time.
Anyone have any advice?  I could really use it.