Haven't posted in a few days- I have had some sad ( though only sad for me) personal things to deal with. Without going into too much detail- my husband and I have been struggling with infertility for SEVEN years. It has never gotten easier or less painful and feels like a nonstop mourning process. Ive lost friends (due to my own inability to deal) and missed out on many events, but it is so painful to go to them that it throws me into a very deep depression. So, I just found out someone close to me is pregnant with their second child after trying for a week. Yes, a week. It hurts and makes me feel evil that it does hurt. So, that's where I have been...
Anyways- on a good note! I am now one week clear of all carbonated beverages. Yup! I did it!!! Yeah!!! I will keep this up for another week and then I meet with my phone nutritionist for the first time on Monday the 15th. I keep noticing myself saying, "after the surgery.. " when making plans- ironic considering I am not approved, and also have so far to go. Feeling positive about things is new to me- so maybe that's a sign...
I'm trying to decide if I should post pictures or not. I have decided to keep this surgery to myself... definitely not something I will talk about on Facebook! I accidentally dropped that I was thinking about doing it at my parents house over Christmas and they freaked! Its funny how they think I am huge 90% of the time, but then comment that I am not big enough to need surgery.
I on the other hand was given a camera for an early Valentines Day present from my husband- and used to enjoy having my picture taken. I mean I liked it enough that I would sit in my office at work and take pictures of myself for fun- just to see how my face looked. Well, I tried to take a picture of myself and kinda wanted to throw up. My face is so fat and so round. Its gross. I disgust myself. Did anyone else out there- echo ECHo echo.... feel even more disgusting than usual while pursuing or waiting for their surgery?
Hopefully that will soon change though. :)
Chapter 38: This one is for me
5 weeks ago