April 22, 2010

Realizing something...

I know I haven't mentioned it, but I am graduating from college in a couple weeks and it freaks me out.  Really freaks me out.  I am afraid.  I don't even know why.
I have been accepted into a Master's program for fall, so I am not even done with school, so it is something more.
I think I am used to being the loser.  I am used to not achieving things and being a let down to myself and those around me.  I have two weeks left and feel like I could fail.  Fifteen years of college to get a four year degree- and TWO weeks is feeling impossible.
So- what is wrong with me?  I am guessing that whatever this defeatist thing is- its probably got ALOT to do with my weight too. 
I am about as stressed as I have ever been- I have one big paper and one big project to finish- with a bunch of little projects to finish as well.  I can't get off the computer to save my life.  My eyes burn and I feel like an antisocial freak.  BUT, I have TWO weeks left. 
I wonder  if,  I mean when I graduate if a switch will turn in my brain?  Will I suddenly not be ok with being the black sheep in the family?  Will I think I am worth achieving more? 
Wow- I get one follower - and now I am so reflective. :)


  1. I freaked right before I graduated. It's a stressful time and the end of an era of sorts.

    Just breathe & finish strong, hun!

  2. Thanks! :) Im trying. Hey, I saw that you used to live in MN?

  3. Keep up the good fight. Change is hard. And congrats on your Masters program for the fall.

  4. Yeah, congrats on the masters program. Hang in there - these two weeks seem like a whole decade but they will be over before you know it!

  5. Wow- four followers! :) Thats enought to make me push through... :)