July 20, 2010

Who is to blame?

I am confused, sad, and feel sick to my stomach.  That is the only way to describe it.
There was a terrible accident in my community over the weekend that involved the death of an 11 year old boy. 
The family was involved in our community and I knew the dad from coaching hockey.  Like my son, the little boy who violently passed played hockey and baseball.  My son and him also attended the same private Catholic school and the mom and I had become friends through Facebook over the last two years as we both attended college and tried to find balance.
The cause of death?  A drunk driver.
A 27 year old drunk driver whose last Facebook postings had all involved wanting and needing a "smoke."  A 27 year old woman with mental issues ( I have heard schizophrenia), living in publicly funded housing, who had decided not to take her drugs anymore because they were "messing with her."
This horrible tragedy follows the murder in a car wash of a complete stranger in a city near ours by a 27 year old man who was schizophrenic and had recently been released from a mental hospital.
A couple years back - less than a mile from our house a boy killed his stepmother with an ax in their backyard- only hours after the parents had attempted to check him into a hospital for schizophrenic behavior, but because he was 18, he was released.
Does anyone else see a really f'd up pattern here?
I know that our state pays a lot of money to "take care of their own" with things like Medical Assistance and Public housing, etc.  But what about these people?  They are clearly dangerous.  Why is nothing being done about them? 
Clearly they are hurting others, innocent people- some of whom had even tried to help them.
Can you blame someone who kills because they are mentally sick? 
I have sat for two days hating this girl who killed an innocent boy not much different than my own.  I hate her for drinking and driving and for making my sons friends cry and learn a lesson that 10 year old should not have to learn yet. 
I have heard she is on a suicide watch and I want to be the person watching her- to make sure she doesn't kill herself.  I want her to be alive.  I want her to live a long and healthy life where she is haunted hourly by what she did.
But then, I realize that my hate is doing nothing.  It is making me angry at someone who clearly felt no need to live before this even happened.  Clearly no one cared or supported her, or they would have seen the things happening and stopped them or at least gotten help.  Or maybe they did and no one would help them.  I don't know, I can only hope.
One thing I do know is I am the opposite of her.  I have a strong and loving community around me and seeing this outpouring of love from the families involved in the sports this little boy played shows me that no matter what happens, my family will not be alone.  I will have help if I ever need it and so will my son and husband.  We are blessed.
To all of you- please PLEASE hug your children very tightly tonight and tell them you love them over and over again.  If they want to play a board game- please do.  If they want to tell you a story about their day, please listen with intent.  I know I have been.
This accident has hit way too close to my heart and home.  I am searching for a reason in a world that will not give me one.  I am scared that no matter how much I protect my child... there is no rhyme or reason for what happens. 
I am confused, sad, and feel sick.


  1. Words can't even express how sorry I am that this happened. So unfair to so many.

  2. I can't say enough, how sad I am for what you, your son and your community are going through right now. And I agree that your son should not have to learn this lesson so early in life, but sometimes good things do come out of the bad, and I truly hope that this is the case with this heartbreaking tale. My thoughts are with you.

  3. Haven't seen a post from you in a while. Just wanted to say hi and hope all is well.