I thought I would just go ahead and post this as a new blog since it seemed to be the number one questions I was asked.
It is NOT okay with me that my hubs quit his job. Not at all. Not a single teensy tiny bit okay.
I am furious. Mainly because this is not our first time going through this. A year and a half ago we seperated because of this exact same reason. I am hurt. I am dissapointed. And I feel like my son's and my needs dont matter.
That being said...
My husband is in all other ways a great guy.
He is a fantastic father who supports me fully in all things I choose to do. When I see how my friends husbands treat them, talk to them, etc, I am often shocked because my husband would never treat me like that.
He has loved and adored me at my thinnest and my largest. Sometimes I think he doesn't even notice what I look like. What I can say is that the best way I can explain how he treats me, is that he adores me. Not in a creepy stalker way, but in a way that makes me feel special- when I let it.
I did not grow up feeling unconditional love from my family. My husband did. He loves me like this. I don't know how to love him this same way, and yet he understands and accepts that about me.
By no means does this make what he has done okay. It does not change the fact that he is very irresponsible with money and planning for the future.
Looking back, when we got married I was the same way. I have changed- he hasn't. He is the same guy I married ten years ago and I didn't have a problem with it then.
So, basically I am stuck with the issue of leaving him and being forced to be in charge completely (which I am now going to have to be anyway) or staying together in a very secure family for our son. I know my son will be picked up and taken places by his dad, which makes me sad because it isn't me. I will have to be the one working and pushing ahead in a career that I don't love. My hubs will get to enjoy being a stay at home parent- which is all I want to be in the world. I will at least again be able to sleep at night (once I find a new job with benefits, etc) because I will only have to depend on me.
So, thats where the big decisions come in that I talked about in my last post.
I know that I am the one who controls how happy I am. I can choose to hate my husband or accept him. I just don't know what the right answer is.
Chapter 38: This one is for me
2 months ago