My journey of weight loss...and gain... and weight loss again... and gain...

SOOO... I told you a while ago I would tell you my story...
And then I didn't.  And it was because of insurance.
But now I don't care because I have no idea what is going on with my insurance... and I have no idea when or if I am going to get this surgery...  so I am going back to what I know...
Diet pills.
Phentermine...
And it sucks...
But, I don't know what else to do.
See, when I was in college, I weighed a very respectable 180 lbs... but thought I was HUGE.
And, some of my friends went on Phen Fen... and looked great... SO I DID TOO.
And I lost ALOT of weight.  I dropped down to 155.  I was sooo happy.  I was a lifeguard and not afraid to wear my swimming suit in public!  I partied, played, and eventually met the guy who is my husband now. 
And then, they made Phen Fen illegal.
And I shot up to 200 lbs.
Until....
I found a dr who prescribed Phentermine by itself.
And I started taking that... and I dropped to 175.
And I was happy.
I partied, played, and eventually found out I was pregnant...
And then, I gained all 25 lbs back in a month  and a half.
And then during my pregnancy I got up to 315 lbs.
But then I was so happy being a mom.  I walked everyday and pretty consistently lost about 5 lbs a month for about 2 years until I reached about 240.
I was comfortable where I was, but we wanted to start trying for another child... and we did try... for two years... AND nothing happened.
And. the dr said it was probably my weight... which made sense to me since I had gotten pregnant the first time while on Phentermine.
So... I went back to that same weight loss dr and went back on Phentermine.
And I started to lose weight.
And I kept up the walking, but also added spinning, hip hop dance class, running, and weight lifting.
I also made small changes in the way I ate.  Choosing a McDonalds cone over a Dairy Queen blizzard...
I also did things like park further away from the store.
My son had never been in an elevator because we ALWAYS took the stairs.  I ran and played and truly was a very involved and fun mom.  When the other moms were sitting, I was the one on the monkey bars with the kids.
And I got down to 179 lbs...
AND I LOOKED FRIGGIN GOOD.
And I felt even better.
Then... as you can read from my "depression" post earlier, my life changed.
I had to go back to work.  I hated it.
I remember asking my work if there was any way I could switch my computer to a standing position all day because I hated just sitting there.  My body was in shock.
Here's the kicker.  I went to work for LA Weight Loss.  I was the poster child there because I had been through everything the people who needed help were going through.  And I gave them good advice.
I helped A LOT of people.
But none of them ever knew I was on Phentermine this whole time.
It was a tool for me, like the band is for many of you.
And, I rocked it.
But slowly... the saddness I had that my world had changed so unexpectedly in a way that I really didn't want... just got to be too much.
And I don't know if the tool stopped working, or I just didn't care anymore.
I slowly (over two years) got to 200 lbs.
And I was ok with it because I told myself I wasn't working out anymore and as soon as I started again, I could drop the weight fast.
But then I was at 220... and taking the pills seemed like a waste of time and money.
So, in November, I stopped taking them.
And the last week in December 2009 I went to my first meeting about the band.
I have had no Phentermine since then.
And three weeks ago, I weighed in at 243 lbs.
Today, I weighed 235 lbs.
And also today... I took a Phentermine.
I scheduled an appointment with the "drug doctor" for next Thursday.
I'm going back on Phentermine.

*I had really wanted to be all together when I posted this and include pics from each of these moments... but this just came bursting out when I took this pill today... so I promise I will post pics of each of these moments in the next couple days.